Those days you have so much words that you so much wanna say but cringed it in & ended up choking on your words because you're gradually loosing control of everything you once held dearly to you everything that's prominent. Those days where you just wanna shut the world out, get in the crowd, be normal for abit & walk among everyone else hoping you'll see/feel someone that's going through the same thing as you. Those days where you closed your eyes using every energy you're left to kick your thoughts out. Simply, all those days you spent your time masquerading. Don't you find that pretence is never gonna be enough? And one day it'll exceed it's limit just like a day would expire at the 24th hour. You know you aren't fine, you know where the conundrum is, you know what went wrong, but you no longer have the capability to fasten it all back together because the problem you're coerced to face is like a newcomer.



Sometimes i wonder if keeping things in a lil longer would help or exposing every thing that i painstakingly held in hoping one day someone would hear the words i'm too afraid to say. Sometimes i wonder if every part of me is depleting away leaving only my existence so that i still seem complete in physical form. Sometimes i wonder if there's such thing called stopping the earth so that i can straighten my thoughts out. Sometimes i wonder if fake smiles and laughters expires too. I've grown sick and tired of everything, i no longer know what i'm doing, where i'm going or what am i thinking. All of a sudden, it seems like i'm being stripped of every capability i once had to cope & deal w my struggles. Each time i dig my heels in, thicken the four walls around me, built my hopes high hoping tomorrow will be a better day but i've never had things my way & everyday, it gets harder & harder.