I try too hard, cry too often & live too comfortably in lies. I'm always thinking to myself if I would die crying the whole night while staying up to see the sun that's blinding. I'm always running an endless route that seem vague at every second. Too often, I don't know what am i feeling, i contradict my thoughts & try being someone I'm not. I take criticisms too seriously & "jokes" too heartily. I'm always selfish & so heartless. Why why why? I've never learnt how to empathise with anyone in my whole life. I would make the least effort to try, but I'm always trying too hard to understand how people feel & why would someone feel that way. Yet at the same time I absolutely hate to share. I hate to feel the fear of someone being better than me, being replaced. Maybe just maybe I've detoriated so badly to a coward that runs from feelings that I don't want to feel. Most of the time i run too far & fall too fast. I'm always feeling worn out. & i hate it so so so so much.
. |